You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
