it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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