We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
