OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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