He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
