Fuck appropriateness.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
