Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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