Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
