im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she told me i tasted like america
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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