I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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