Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
