Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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