I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
