This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
