I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
