Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
