matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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