What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I would ride that face into the sunset
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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