WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
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Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
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But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
how drunk are you?
Several
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize