Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
