Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
