in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
