Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I need to calm my uterus...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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