My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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