Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
