I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
