She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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