i think i have herpe
just one?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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