My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
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I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
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I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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