So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
