they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
