He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
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July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
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Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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