It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
