I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
