oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
