chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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