no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
