Sponge bath it is.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
