dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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