Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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