The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
