im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
