How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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