she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
