Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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