She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
