hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
