turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize