Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
