and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
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