well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
