Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So many bounce houses so little time
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
