found the other keg... it's in the tree
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
