I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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