He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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