then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
