My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
