Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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