Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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