Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
