I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That accounts for only three of the penises
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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